Change, Adventure, Dreams - Round Two

"Don't get me wrong, I am very nervous about being unemployed. I’ll still have rent to pay, student loans, and all the other miscellaneous bills that come with being an adult. But if I go through life making choices based solely on fear of how I’ll pay bills then I know I will wake up 20-30 years from now to a life that hasn’t truly been lived. And isn't that kind of what life's about - to seek out the tumbling dance of your dreams and laugh at fear if it tries to stop you? ... It's been too long since I've left everything completely up to chance, so accustomed I've grown to my normal habits and routine, pulling it on each day like a comfortable old sweater. It's time for me to take that off for good, to say hello to the unknown."

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I wrote those words just over three years ago for a different post. Much has happened since then; a tremendous amount of good, a decent share of bad, and somewhere along the way I forgot what I had written. Instead I began clinging, not to an old comfy sweater but a threadbare rag; one that lulled me into a daze and promised a few shreds of security. I have an income that allows me to support myself. I have a little home that I love. I have my best friend. These three things fed my worst fears and overshadowed the aspects of myself I love most - my free spirit, my love of adventure, my belief in bravery.

Thankfully, my mind has decided to snap into clarity. Ultimately it comes down to this: I am not happy in Utah, nor have I been. There is a great deal of beauty and wonder in this state, as well as some phenomenal people, but it is not the place I am meant to be. So I've given notice - to my work, to my landlord, to myself. A new kind of journey has long been calling, and while I'm scared I'll find it a Siren's song, I finally see I have no choice but to answer. I must be brave. Three years ago I set out "to find my dragon". This time around I searching for a different creature, say a mermaid or perhaps a selkie.

Stay tuned...

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