Changes

 

In this photo you see Faelina, acclimating to the carrier that will be her space for the approximately seven hours she’ll be zipped inside on April 21^st, when I fly home to Alaska.

Key word there being home. Because after 10 years away, I am finally returning for good. Or at least for now.

My reasons for this are varied and sundry, and not entirely mine to relate (but nothing tragic or outright terrible). I always knew I’d go back. I just thought it’d be when I was ‘ready’. I don’t feel ready, though I wonder now if I ever really would having loved too deeply my freedom to persist in random wanderings.

My current habitat of emotions, and the circumstances I am returning to, are also not at all what I’d envisioned when I used to picture my ‘one day’ return. It is not all doom and gloom, rather another reminder that life is nothing if not infinite change.

Plus, in all the years I have been away, Alaska has never once faltered in its role as my favorite place in the world. So the fact that I will soon be able to spend more than a mere seven days there has caused a very real and true joy to bloom within me.

The plan at this point is for me to continue on with my current job – just work remote from Alaska. I keep expecting them to call me and up and say they’ve changed their minds, that it isn’t worth it. I have my fingers crossed that will not be the case (but life is change, so if it does happen, I’ll adapt).

For the first time in my whole life, I am having to pay attention to how much the things I’m bringing with me weigh – because everything is being shipped. I do not like this! A good two-thirds of my belongings (mostly books) I am saying fond farewells to. A part of me is saddened by this, as the vast majority of the things I own bring me such delight. Another side though, finds this rather freeing and exhilarating.

I am not looking forward to having to find a new car. My old one having served me faithfully for almost 14 years now, and I have loved not having a car payment. If my Alaskan people know of a cheap but safe used vehicle with decent gas mileage definitely let me know!

I am also very much dreading the actual flights (two in total), because I hate putting Faelina through an hours long experience that will terrify her. At least this time I am not living with the intense fear that she’ll overheat (which was a very real issue on my last move (we’re talking full on crying meltdown in my kitchen the day before I left. My best friend was there and can tell you it was not pretty!)). Immensely thankful that she’ll be able to come aboard the cabin with me. I think that will help us both stay calm.

And it will be so, so good to see my family again. There simply are not adequate words to describe just how much I am looking forward to this.

I will miss Bellingham. All its beautiful hiking trails and moss-covered trees and the trains that race through my window and into my dreams every night. And the owls... It has truly been an incredible gift living here. Leaving is hard, but it also does feel right. I can finally hear what letters the poem that is writing my life has been curling together these past months, they are the words spelling my way home.

Home. Family. Alaska.

Life is change.

~*~