Inverted Commas

I have been terrible about writing lately. These past few months I’ve barely picked up a pen and paper or placed my fingers on the keyboard, and when you compare the frequency of my posts now to this time last year there is a stark difference. Of course, a year ago I was new to recovery, each day a fresh hell, and writing helped ease the burden of that struggle, somewhat.  Now that I’ve been weathering the fight for this long, that ‘fresh hell’ has become a quieter sort of subdued one that I doesn't usually require writing work through and process. That’s one reason for my absent posting, a valid one I’d say. The other - that I just feel too busy – is not. I know my schedule is not so full it prevents me from scribbling a mere few sentences, at least not if I want to become serious about writing.

So I have set myself a requirement. Not a goal, not a challenge, but an absolute, must do, no excuses requirement that I will write and share on this blog at least once a week. It could be about something I’ve done in the past seven days, an observation, a realization, a super spectacular (or fantastically horrible) moment, what I’m currently reading, an answer to a question, etc.… It might be pages long or only a paragraph, and perhaps, on rare occasions, a few scribbled sentences. I will do my utmost best to adhere to this, but I do ask for reminders should I start to slip.

So starting off this new venture I have kind of a conglomeration of the examples above. My book of choice this week is “The Gathering” by Irish author Anne Enright. I am just a little past halfway through and at this point my enthusiasm for the story is only slightly higher than lackluster. Her writing however is exquisite, and it does feel that the story’s gotten a little better as I've delved further into its' pages so I will read it through to the end. (Just FYI; this book was the 2007 Winner of the Man Booker Prize and has glowing reviews on the cover by the Los Angeles Times and New York Times Book Review so don’t let my comments dissuade you from picking it up). Anyways, last night just before the lights went off, I read one last chapter that ended with these words:

“I thought about this, as I sat in the Shelbourne bar – that I was living my life in inverted commas. I could pick up my keys and go ‘home’ where I could ‘have sex’ with my ‘husband’ just like lots of other people did. This is what I had been doing for years. And I didn’t seem to mind the inverted commas, or even notice that I was living in them, until my brother died.”

When death takes someone we love from us almost without fail at least one person will talk about how that loss has made them realize or remember just how fragile life is, that we should never take it for granted. It’s not uncommon for us to then re-evaluate our place in the world and possibly grab hold of that moment to chase dreams and opportunities that, for whatever reason, had been left untouched. I think this passage has that same message, only it didn’t so much make me question the dreams I was not aspiring towards or my complacency with the areas of my life I already knew were unsatisfactory. Instead, it made me start to wonder about what I’ve taken for granted as the ‘good’ and ‘happy’ and ‘complete’ parts of my life and whether or not they were in fact good, happy and complete. These words and the ideas they invoke have been hovering in my mind all day, and I have a feeling they won’t be leaving anytime soon.

 So I leave you with that exact question; do you have ‘inverted commas’ in your life? If so, what are they? And what should you do, what can you do, to change 'life'  into a life you are fully living?

High on Caffeine and Literary Bliss; An Afternoon in Salt Lake!

All this past week I've grown increasingly uneasy; I felt kind of stuck to the point that it was driving me to some serious distraction (case in point: I got home from the store Thursday evening and while putting my food away poured my entire bag of coffee beans into to my jar full of oats rather than my coffee canister (I wasn't able to extract all the beans and will be having coffee flavored oats for awhile!)). This morning my emotions worked themselves up to a deadlock, my restless mind had had enough, and it fast became clear that I HAD TO get out and do something - go somewhere - that I'd never experienced before. So I jumped in my car with my GPS in tow and drove south to the Salt Lake City Library.

Out of all the people and places in Maine there are very few that I miss more than the Brunswick library; really there isn't a day that passes where I don't miss being able to walk down Maine street to that old brick building to lose myself in it's stacks of literary magic. There is a library in Layton and while - as all libraries do - it has it's own loveliness it holds neither the charm or the selection of Brunswick's and I have been wanting for months now find a library that did. Circulating over 4 million items, the Salt Lake Library definitely meets that first desire, and what it lacks in old New England comfort it makes up for with big city WOW!

The current main location (there are 3) made it's grand début to the city in 2006 and was voted 'Library of the Year' in a national library journal. It's four above ground levels are filled with seemingly endless rows of books, CDs, movies, newspapers, and magazines. Comfy chairs, desks for studying and even gas fireplaces(!) on every level create a relaxed and peaceful atmosphere for families, students, and lone visitor simply looking for some peace and quiet. Their basement level showcases artwork from local artists (I saw some paintings by 8th graders that blew my mind with their talent) and a childrens section full of the obvious books, movies and computers, but also rooms for crafts and little cubby holes and hideouts for little ones to curl up and read. Sharing the main level of the building is a flower shop, a hair salon, a café, and the Library Store -
which is where I found some AWESOME cards and a Shakespeare coffee cup I've been wanting for years!). There is also a coffee shop - IN THE LIBRARY; my first experience with the Salt Lake Roasting Co. was definitely a positive one, I had an iced americano that was perfectly dark, strong, bitter and delicious! I walked out the doors a couple hours later feeling happy, refreshed, and seriously considering paying the $80/year fee it would cost for me (since I don't live in the city) to become a library member.

Before leaving the city I decided to make a quick stop at the Oasis Café/Golden Braid bookstore which my HR director highly recommend I visit, and I am glad she did. After a not so quick meandering through the store I wandered back out with more cards, gifts, and another cup of coffee (also good but the first was definitely my favorite). I arrived home high on caffeine and literary bliss and dug into a heavenly bowl of garlic pasta and broccoli (my goal these past few weeks is to be better at scaring myself with fear foods, hence pasta). My adventures today were exactly what I needed and to sign this post off I leave you with this little reminder I came across today...

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