I'm going to go out on a limb and say
that most of us are not entirely 100% satisfied with who we are. Most have things we wish we were better at, skills we always dream of developing, and habits that we either long to start or stop (depending
on the habit). While we likely think about these things often, these
wishes/plans/resolutions tend to be most discussed at the turn of
each new year. Some people eschew the idea of New Years Resolutions
entirely, but a fair number of us come up with at least one – if
not a whole list. At times creating the resolution in the farthest we
get into it, at others we make a decent attempt to follow through but
as time passes our resolve wanes into non-existence, and then
occasionally we complete the year happily successful.
I think for me the reason behind so
many of my resolutions getting left by the wayside of time is that I am too specific in what I want. In the course of daily life
it is simply too difficult to stick to the exact goal; inevitably I slip up
a few times causing discouragement to flourish thereby paving the way for
resolution abandonment to follow. Then at my first New Years
in Maine I was introduced to a refreshingly new way to approach
the whole 'New Years Resolution' thing, one that practically caused me to spark with
excitement. I read an article in which the author wrote about
scrapping the common long list of resolutions and instead encouraged
everyone to "Pick a word, a word you really, really want to
apply to just about every corner of your life. Then keep it with you,
and live it. Inhabit it.
Be it."
I spent a few days letting my mind roll through all the words I'd
ever known before landing on the exact right one –
Fearless.
As 2012 took over the world I tried to breathe that word into all of
my actions and was amazed at the power saying it gave me even if I'd merely
whispered it inside the quiet of my mind. It helped me to grow in such fantastic ways that their ripple effects still touch my life today. It made me brave
enough to say, try, and do things I might otherwise have let pass by
with regret. It helped me immensely to care not even an inch about
what others thought of me. It became my personal motto – Breathe
and Be Fearless – and remains so to this day. As 2015 came to a close I thought a lot about which word I wanted
to hold on to not only this year but continually for the
rest of my life. And as this New Years weekend draws to a close I now
know it to be
Embrace.
I want to learn to Embrace all of who I am. Embrace my
body for what it is, and my mind for the equal amounts of craziness and sanity that live inside it. Embrace not only
the days that are wrapped in happiness, but also each sorrow and
struggle I experience for without them I wouldn't be me. Embrace the
new chances and opportunities that will come with living in Utah,
that will accompany me as I walk through the door of work each day.
Embrace this incredible world I exist in – to never let myself
forget to gaze in awe and wonder at the mountains I see each time I
step outside, or let my eyes pass unseeing over the sparkling waters
of rivers, lakes, waterfalls – even rain puddles. Embrace the
frozen diamonds in winter's snow and the glowing magic of the night
sky. Embrace the instinctual calling of the birds flying above, the
quiet calm of the cows in the pastures, and the joyful purrs of my
cats curled up next to me. Embrace not only the wonderful moments of
silence I get on those rare occasions I'm home alone but also try to Embrace the
craziness and yelling that is inescapable in a house of five kids.
Embrace the sweetness of the moment when Stephanie's two year old
little girl snuggles up with me on the couch or the time her four
year old ran up to me holding an apple he'd decided on his own accord I
needed simply because he knows how much I love them.
It is so easy for me to get caught up in frustrated thoughts,
impatience, self-anger and self-doubt. It takes less then a second
for my mind to stop paying attention to the wonders and blessings
around me and get bogged down by thoughts of the future or regrets of
my past. I want to learn to Embrace the present moment – whatever
that may be. I think that if I can do that this year my life will be better for it
in every year that comes after.
She only climbs me every day because she always wants me to hold her, and my left shoulder is her favorite space on this earth. She has such delightful zest and determination to catch the lights and shadows that dance across the floors and walls as the sun starts to rise, or twilight begins to fall. Her unceasing fascination with the falling snow outside never fails make my heart smile, and I just love the way she walks across the room, slinking her body in an S shape with her long tail doing the same. She has made Synge happier, given her more peace, than I ever could have hoped, and her quiet purr is one of my most favorite sounds in the world. She has become my shining star, bringing joy to my life each and every day. And as I sit here watching her golden eyes race back and forth trying to keep up with the snow floating past my window I am filled with gratitude that the universe saw fit to bring her into my life. 
