A Week of Poems

Before I dive into this weeks little writing venture, I have some somewhat disappointing news to share. One of the dogs my friends in Norway have is very, very sick so my trip has been postponed. Knowing what it's like to have a pet that ill, imagining what it would be like to leave them behind for two weeks, I couldn't not agree to change the dates. I'm definitely bummed; I was pretty much packed, had picked out my hikes, and was looking forward to celebrating my birthday in a foreign country. But I get, I really do, agreeing to push the trip back is the best for everyone involved. So keep tuned for new trip dates and in the mean time - A Week of Poems. 

I kind of fell into this by accident. Last Sunday I wrote one, then another on Monday, Tuesday's came as a result of Steph's birthday and from there I just decided to write a whole weeks worth and post them. Normally if I put a poem on here I've worked on it for at least a few hours, if not days, and so feel fairly happy with what I'm sharing. That is not the case for these poems. Most were written in just minutes with little to no editing afterwards so please keep that in mind when you judge them. That being said here they are ..... 

 

A couple of months ago, I asked my Facebook family for some writing prompts. One friend suggest a poem with the word 'Embrace' in it (which is my 2016 Word of the Year). I highly doubt this was what she'd imagined and it definitely wasn't what I'd first envisioned when I first read her idea. But I think this is what happens when I read Neil Gaiman (which I was last Sunday). His worlds are full of beauty and fantastical magic, but they also contain some haunted darkness.

Embrace the darkness, defy the sun,

fly through lost forests of haunted fun

My laughter is laced, with others' fear, 

my strength built upon each new fallen tear

Embrace the darkness, defy the sun,

Evil has mastered, heroes no more will come

~~~~ 

 

  

Dictionary.com's Word of the Day inspired Monday's poem. The word was 'jimjams' which means 'extreme nervousness or jitters' and it seemed to fun a word (fun to say that is) that I couldn't not put it into a poem!

I wake from dreams filled with stuttering jimjams
My thoughts are crashing, rattling, tin cans

I can't trust my eyes, they're threatening to cry,
'cause my dreams are no longer a safe place to hide

 ~~~~

Tuesday was the birthday of Stephanie, my very best friend in the whole world. I wrote this for her which is why it's filled with references that most of you will not understand at all. 

There was Jenny and Mario - and Heather too,

Playing barbies in jail on Sunday afternoons,

Swirling tornadoes in the front yard,

'Driving' for hours in that beat up half car.

There were distances spent, first in hours - then years,

In between there were weddings, surprise visits, losses, and tears

And in that great time we threatened to fade,

but fate still fought for us, knowing that there'd come a day

Where toast was a question mark and spiderturtles roamed,

where boxes of stuffing appear mysteriously in my cupboard at home,

And then that time we 'never needed to shave'

Followed soon by me losing my debit card for a day

Whether slipping up mountains or getting burnt on a beach,

Dreaming about Ipswitch and our Fairy tree,

I can't possibly imagine a better best friend,

My Two of a Three you'll be 'till the end!

~~~~

Wednesday I did not want to be here in Utah. I wanted to be in France. I changed my desktop background at work to pictures of Paris but that just wasn't enough, so I wrote this poem. It still wasn't enough, but it helped.

Today I wish I was in France,

I'd tiptoe on the streets, then dance

my way to a Paris Café,

for foamy cappuccino days,

From there I'd skip my way to Rome,

singing all their songs of home,

and once Venice had floated by,

I'd spread my arms, breath deep and fly

Way up north to Ireland,

where magic saunters through the land,

then swim to Iceland, where volcanic flows

echo the wildness in every soul.

I'll journey then through the earth,

until I touch Antarctic dirt,

to play with penguins and skate on ice,

and delight in the freezing, clear blue skies

What will come next, I do not know,

I guess wherever feels like home,

but today I'm happy to just dance,

and tiptoe on the streets of France

~~~~

I was in bed almost asleep on Thursday when I realized I hadn't written a thing and came up with this in literally 30 seconds. It's darker than I would have thought but I credit that, again, to the Neil Gaiman's influence.

Daisies and Daffodils,

clanging hearts, singing bells,

Oh how I want to run away,

but I am forced here to stay,

to witness what I cannot take,

for if I do my soul will break...

To late, I'm left with just one thing,

the comforting kiss of the endless dream

~~~~

This was the hardest poem for me to write this week. Writing a poem about winter was a writing prompt another friend had given me when I'd asked. On Friday I decided to try doing so with a non-rhyming poem, something I struggle writing more than just about anything else. I need to do a lot of work with this before I will be even remotely satisfied with it, but at least I've got it started. 

Winter breezes call my soul but outside it's green and hot

I long for diamond's frozen ice, pine for white dewdrops to fall

My mind falls into winter woods, my footsteps crunch in snow's soft blanket

Each breath creates it's own misty swirl, breathe in, breathe out, a raven caws

I pass a cave a bears silent den, I fear her not for she's lost to dreams

The rivers wide but gives me no pause, the twisting ice I know will hold

I step on following it's twists it's turns, filled with wonder at winter's beauty

It's hot outside, green and vibrant, yet winter's breeze has filled my soul

~~~~

No big story or inspiration for this one. It is simply just the story of where I was in the world, and in my mind, yesterday evening.

Tired thoughts, quiet cats,

I'm sitting in bed listening to an NPR rap,

The fan is whirring overhead, it's softening breeze clearing my head,

Birds are flying away outside, leaving echoes of songs in their stead.

Dusk has now begun to set, but the sun is not quite gone yet,

Still I know it won't be long 'till it has sunk and the world will get,

To see the stars dancing to the moon's white song,

I could watch their beauty all night long.

 ~~~~

And that's all for now, I wish all of you a spectacular week! 

A Few Randoms

So I didn't find much time for writing this week. To be honest I didn't write at all. This past Friday evening I was in my room and heard an oft repeated phrase coming through the speakers of my radio. They set off a firestorm of thoughts in my mind and I knew instantly I wanted that to be my writing topic of the week. I've spent today's noontime hours writing but am not quite satisfied with what I've come up with so far; I want more time to really line out and weave together my thoughts. But, I need to write and share something this week so a few randoms...

For the past month or so I have found myself in a situation where I'm left slightly unsatisfied by whatever book I have read. In each case the writing of the author

is exquisite to the point of tears and often the turning of each page brought another phrase delicate in it's beauty or cruel in it's truth. Yet the stories themselves could not captivate my imagination, did little to hold my attention. Last weekend I closed, for the final time, the cover of one such book and instead of looking for some new unknown volume I picked up an old favorite by Neil Gaiman. I can't tell you the delight it has been to once more be reading something that excites me, that I think about when I'm forced to do something else, that is full of magic I wish I could fall into. Neil Gaiman is pure, wonderful genius and I am so, so grateful for the day that he decided to no longer keep to himself all the fantastical worlds that exist in his mind, for this world would infinitely more dreary without them.

Several years ago I got sucked up (no pun intended) into the dark, vibrant world of the TV show Trueblood. I gathered the seasons on DVD as fast as I possibly could and went through the episodes like a wildfire races through a field of dead grass. As time passed my enthusiasm for the characters and their stories ebbed somewhat but I would return to the show every few months and fall in love with it all over again. But since it's a show full of strong language, graphic violence, and quite a bit of sex, I haven't even considered watching it since arriving in Utah, much less actually done so. Last Sunday though I woke up with it on my mind, decided it was time to revisit it again, and managed to squeeze in a couple episodes in the few hours the kids were at church. It was awesome. So I'm doing that again today, as I type actually, and this might have to become my new Sunday tradition.

This morning, NPR's Weekend Edition interviewed two members of the band SHEL. There are four members total, sisters who were home schooled as kids. They have just released their second album and among the songs is a cover of the Metallica song "Enter Sandman" . I really liked it, enough to go listen to some more of their songs on Youtube and I think I just may have found a new favorite band to listen to!  

Lastly, this ~ "You could rattle the stars," she whispered. "You could do anything, if only you dared. And deep down, you know it, too. That's what scares you most"

Take it as another reminder to not listen to fear, to refuse it the opportunity to take over your dreams, and in so doing your life. Please, whenever fear faces you, knock it down, discover your dreams, and find what it means to be truly alive!

~~~~

Transitional Moments

Every life is made up of many transitional moments. Sometimes, they're big, you can see them coming. Graduation, marriage, the birth of a child, moving to a new place, the loss of a loved one after a long illness...events that you can somewhat plan for and - depending on the promise they hold -prepare yourself to either embrace or endure them. Other moments are small, possibly existing only a few seconds in time, yet their impact is no less important, they too represent a change in the world, that is impossible to undo. My small observation this week has to do with those small moments where time wrinkled itself into a new direction that I have no choice but to follow.

I remember with crystalline clarity one such moment on a quiet Sunday morning last February.  Curled up in bed, with a cup of coffee in one hand and a book in the other, I would periodically gaze out my window to wonderful Maine street below then glance over at Synge and Faelina napping softly by my feet, before turning my attention once more to the pages before me. Faelina shifted suddenly causing me to look up and when I did I saw, not the baby kitten I'd been living with the past seven months, but the adult cat she had, seemingly in a second, grown into. Her attitude and antics were still kittenlike (in truth they still are) but I was reluctantly forced to face the sad truth that my 'kitten' was disappearing, and that fact made my heart cry. I learned to embrace that though, and to enjoy the two wonderful adult cats that made my heart whole every day.

This past week, I was standing at Steph's kitchen sink washing my dishes. I briefly paused my concentration to move my gaze up and over to the entrance of the hall leading to my room. Synge was sitting there, quietly observing the room while trying to determine which spot would make the best bed at that particular moment. I think that likely she would have looked perfectly normal to any other person familiar with her sweet face and remarkably striking green eyes. To me though she was different, changed. She seemed slightly diminished, a touch more delicate. My Synge, the one who has been with me through college, the death of my dad, two moves across the country, and my battle with anorexia had, seemingly in a second, become old. Now thankfully she is not ancient, and I think we still have years ahead of us before time presents us with that final goodbye. Still, I know now we're closer to it's coming. I know I now have to worry more, pay closer attention, to whether or not she's healthy, pain free, and happy. I wouldn't trade the day we chose to adopt her for anything, but having harsh reality remind me that she won't be with me always, absolutely causes my heart to weep.

My Mom is a Miracle

This introduction will be short and sweet. Today is Mother's Day and sadly I am not able to be with my mom in person to help her celebrate. Growing up I always knew that I had a great mom (although I didn't always act like it (sorry mom)), but since living with Stephanie my eyes have been opened completely to the reality of just how much my mom did for me, of the sacrifices she made so that I could have the incredible childhood I had. Stephanie gives everything she is to her kids, I know now that my mom did too So mom...

Mom, you are a miracle,

one that sometimes goes unseen,

Full of love, strength and intelligence,

you've done so much for me.

While words of thanks are never enough,

to match all that you are,

here are some thoughts on my mind right,

today's bright memory stars ...

Thank you for my Samantha's doll cape and all her other clothes,

For letting me spend my college years living for free at home,

Thanks for hundreds of times you've cooked my favorite foods,

and, in a way, I am grateful for those dandelions too.

Thank you for your dedication to teach me to crochet,

for all for the fun projects during our homeschool days,

Thanks for always taking care of me each time I got sick,

and for your sense of adventure in all of our roadtrips.

Thank you sharing your love of coffee, the surprise of that star sapphire ring,

for the day we adopted Synge - who knew that cats would be my thing,

Thanks for supporting my dream to roam the world no matter where I go,

and for saving me when I was fading, your continued fight to make me whole. 

Mom you are a miracle,

whose gift of life was just the start,

you're the perfect oenomel,

I love you with all my heart

~~~~