One Fun Adventure and a Simple Poem

 No long post this week, just a fun adventure to share and a small poem. First the adventure; Farmington, Utah is home to an amusement park called Lagoon. The park has brought joy and excitement to Utahans and tourists alike since first opening it's 'doors' back in 1886, and visitors today can still enjoy the Victorian Carosaul that debuted in 1906 and the rickety wooden roller coaster that first thrilled riders back in 1921. To visit today costs a pretty penny ($50+), but once a year Stephanie's dad gets a screaming good deal on tickets ($5.00) from the company he once worked for. This year, that one day was yesterday, and I was lucky enough to go along.It was a blast!

It's been years since I've been on any ride scarier than a ferris wheel (which I do feel compelled to say does not scare me) and I have never been on a roller coaster - or any ride for that matter - that would spin me completely upside down. Well, that changed fast. I broke in the day on that rickety old roller coaster, got whipped around a twisty ride called Wild Mouse, and then went upside down, not just once but twice, on Colossus the Fire Dragon. My favorite ride though was not anything wild or crazy, it was the swings; the swings that raise you up high in the air and spin you around so you feel like you're flying. High on that swing I felt I was in heaven and could have happily stayed there until long after the sun had set.

And now a little poem I just began working on, inspired by the real Faery music I've been listening to all day...

Faeries flutter their diamond wings,

chanting soft music, enchanting my dreams

Beckoning gently they turn toward home,

with elysian beauty no mortal can know...

I long to discover what strange secrets they hold,

witness the wisdom of those ethereal souls

So I pursue on tiptoe their diaphanous wings,

forever to walk in this numinous dream

~~~~

Missing Home

A few weeks ago I was high on life and happiness. I went home. I was surrounded by my mom, sisters, and brother-in-laws. I held my two perfect, amazing, incredible nephews. I breathed the Alaskan mountain air and walked in the midnight summer sun. Then I returned to Utah and crashed into despair. To put it briefly:

- I'm haven't been sleeping well, at all
- Synge almost died from an insulin overdose (thankfully we've now got that all figured out)
- Work has been a weird combination of busy, boring, and stressful
- The sound system in my laptop broke
- I'm furiously looking for my own place; a depressing, discouraging, miserable process
- For the first time ever, reading is failing to bring me joy

 And I miss Alaska. Miss it so much that it sometimes hurts to breathe. I try to cope by blocking out  my emotions, which usually works, only I then become a numb, zoned-out, zombie. Of course I can only keep that up for a few days before my feelings refuse to be supressed any longer and I turn into a tearful wreck. I've said before that Alaska is the only place that I am complete, whole. And leaving, whether by choice or not, causes damage. On July 4th, when I stepped onto the red-eye flight destined for Utah I shattered. I haven't even begun put the pieces back together because I'm still trying to gather them all up, only I know I never will because half of them are floating in the Alaskan wind and only returning to Alaska is the only way I will ever find them.

When I first left Alaska five years ago, I promised myself I'd spend at least 10 years out exploring before going back; I think now I may have to revise that plan. Especially because of those two little babies, both growing bigger by the day. I hate not being able to hold them. I hate that I can't hug my mom and sisters. I hate that I'm missing so much of their lives.

Still, as miserable as I've been the past couple weeks, I'm not quite ready to give up on Utah. I know there are thousands of fun, vibrant experiences just waiting for me to step outside and discover them.It may not be my forever home but I do want to see if I can fall in love with it the same way I did Maine. I need to find my own apartment though. I did tour one Friday that I loved, really it would be perfect, but I'm too nervous and worried about how many other people may have applied to believe I'll actually get it. I'll keep my fingers crossed until I know one way or the other.

There have been a few bright gems since I've returned; diamonds in a storm that have helped me to remember life really isn't all that bad...I have gotten TWO birthday boxes from Maine friends filled with things I love beyond words. Steph and I threw a surprise Rainbow party for her kids a couple weeks ago full of fruit rainbows, skittles of all colors, tye-dye shirts, and a one of a kind canvas painting - it was an absolute blast! This past Tuesday, Benchmark held a Carnival day for the boys; we got a dunk tank, a bounce house obstacle course (which was AWESOME!), played water balloon baseball, face painted, and watched movies in the gym with snow cones, cotton candy, popcorn, and ice cream (scooped by yours truly) for refreshments. It was my favorite day of working there so far. And lastly, I've braved the 90+ degree temperatures to go hiking. This afternoon I wandered 30 minutes into Holbrook Canyon before ducking under some trees to a side trail that brought me to a quiet, hidden, shaded spot by the river. I spent one perfect beautiful hour there, listening to the music of the water as I put my thoughts to paper and imagining faeries were dancing about nearby.