Looking for the Good in the Not so Great Days

Today has not been my favorite day. Last night my body gave up the fight against the cold that had been threatening for days and this morning I'm feeling the full effect. My neighbor has literally lost his mind resulting in frustration and interrupted sleep thanks to his music and yelling at all hours of the day and night. And the combination of these two things have left me feeling rather gloomy.

Right now, I want nothing more then to be home in my new coffee pjs, wrapped up in blankets, and curled up with my cats, reading and drinking hot tea. (Of course with my neighbor the way he is right now that may or may not be as relaxing as it sounds) I don't like being in this frame of mind so when it happens I remind myself of the things I have and am grateful for, and look for something beautiful to lift my spirits.

So what am I grateful for? Today's random list includes: the book I'm currently reading "The Midwife of Hope River", pumpkin oatmeal, fleece blankets, cinnamon and nutmeg spices (especially when left to simmer on the stove), my cinnamon apple spice tea,  Synge's bill of perfect health she got from the vet yesterday, and Shakespeare plays. 

As for the something beautiful, I'm choosing a poem about my favorite season - autumn. I found this on Oatgasm one of my new favorite food blogs and it's author (who wrote this poem) has such a wonderful way of looking at the world....

On the eve of autumn, comes a woman of the earth

Her hands spread ancient wisdom, her touch gives grave and birth

With the grace of the season, she descends upon the land

Breathing life into the breeze and turning leaves by hand

Her eyes are made of sapphire, with a rippling ocean stare

As if she soaked up all the sky and left it white and bare

Her body cloaked in ivy lace, her hair let loose like vines

Her skin is dark and aging, like red autumnal wine

She wears a perfect perfume, of leaves and morning light

Mixed with sun drops in the day, and silver stars by night

She is the very reason wolves will howl by the pack

Even though they know the moon will never howl back

You’d be lucky, if you caught her, for she seldom makes a sound

Save the quiet crackle of her feet against the ground

If you listen quietly, you might hear her call

And only then will you know that summer’s faded into fall.

Have you seen the girl with a crown on her head

Made of forests and brambles and leaves burning red?

In springtime she beckons to the light of the sun

And in autumn she trembles as the leaves come undone

Her skin glows a sunset and her eyes a bright gleam

When she walks, in her path, grows a rich shade of green

From her hands grow blossoms and her feet grow roots

Verdant life seems to spring in every wake of her foot

You’ll know she is sad when from the heavens it rains

For she holds all the oceans inside of her veins

If you see your rippling reflection in the mirror of a pond

You’ll know she is smiling at you from beyond

Her voice can be heard in the first silence of spring

Or in autumn when the meadowlark ceases to sing

And if you listen carefully, she might just let you know

What sort of secrets on today she’ll bestow.

"This is My Last" moments

Maine St in Brunswick

Not long ago I mentioned the likelihood that this year would be my last in Maine – that after 4 years it would be time for me to go explore

somewhere new. If I stick to the 4 year mark that puts me leaving this beautiful state sometime next August. Of course when someone plans on a permanent leave they will inevitably experience many “this is my last” moments. Their last time to visit a favorite place, enjoy a favorite treat, and spend time with good friends. My last year in Alaska it seemed like these moments occurred daily. There were times the reality of those “this is my last” moments struck me so hard they brought tears to my eyes. Still I left and I did so because I knew it was the right thing.

I love Maine and so naturally I knew that in my last year the “this is my last” times would come. Well yesterday driving to a friend’s after work I had my first. I wasn’t expecting it, but as I was driving through the streets marveling at the beauty of the fall colors I suddenly remembered that a year from now I would be far away from Maine and its magical autumn wonder.  I love this time of year so much am beyond excited for these next few months to unfold. I foresee lots of laughing with friends, exciting adventures, good food, and of course coffee from Gelato Fiasco. However, I know that many moments will be bitter sweet as I live them knowing I soon won't be able to anymore. I plan to soak up as much of these months as I can and to enjoy them to the fullest!

Books, Cats and the Moon

This morning at the sound of my alarm I opened my sleep filled eyes and, head still resting on my pillow, looked out my window. I saw the moon, almost a crescent, way up above me barely visible threatening to get lost in the shadows of the rain-filled clouds wrapping themselves around it. It was so beautiful and alluring I longed to close my eyes again and drift with it through those clouds back into sleep and dreams…Alas, it was not meant to be.I got up and got ready for the day and perhaps tomorrow I'll see the moon again.

Last week I finished reading “Uncle Tom’s Cabin” by Harriet Beecher Stowe. I wouldn't say that that I loved the book, but I am really glad that I read it. Over my life I have learned about the horrors of slavery in history classes, through documentaries, and historical fiction. But the words in this book rang out with a truth stronger then all of them combined, and I think it’s because they were written by someone who lived these times and who saw with her own eyes the atrocities that had become part of the daily fabric of this country in that time. She knew first hand people who experienced that hell and because of this has a force and passion behind her words that no one today would be able to match regardless of how much research and study they've done.

I am now reading “The Golem and the Jinni” by Helene Wecker. This book was nominated for the 2014 Maine Reader’s Choice award and when I noticed it displayed on my library bookshelf it looked too enticing to pass by. I’m a little over halfway through and I love it! While reading yesterday, the story brought me to the passage below - an idea that has me fascinated…

            “You came here last night and stood beneath my window, and you knew I wouldn’t be asleep in bed. How?”

            That brought him up short. He laughed in genuine surprise. “I don’t know,” he said. “I didn’t even consider it.” He thought for a long movement and finally said, “That night, when we met, you didn’t move like someone who should be home in bed. Perhaps that’s how I knew. Everyone else walks differently at night than during the day. Have you noticed?”

            “Yes!” she exclaimed. “As though they’re fighting off sleep, or running away from it, even if they’re wide awake.”

            “But not you,” he said. “You were lost, but you were walking as though the sun was high overhead.”

If anyone reads this – is this something you have seen before? I haven’t I’ve never even thought about it, but I’m now obsessed with discovering if it’s true with my own eyes!

And now at the most important part of this post. It was 8 years ago today that my mom, sisters and I walked into the warehouse at the AK Humane Society Adopt-a-Cat shelter and walked back out with a small black and white tabby we christened Princess Synge. If asked that day I would have sworn left, right and backwards that while cats were cool I was a dog person and nothing would ever change that. Of course I would have been wrong, because not even 3 months went by before she had me wrapped around her little paw and 100% a cat person through and through. One of my favorite quotes is “You are my cat, and I am your human”; I don’t know why (and I never will) Synge decided that out of everyone I was her human, but I am forever grateful. She has been a constant source of comfort through all the good and bad I’ve experienced over the years; my source of joy when I had a hard time finding any.

I know that being an only cat in Maine has been hard for her, that she’s been lonely, which is why I am so unbelievably pleased with how well Faelina has fit into our little family. Synge may not always like having her face and tail attacked every 5 minutes because the baby thinks it’s “FUN!” but every day I can see that she is happier and more content now that she has someone to share her time with when I’m gone.  She’s given me so much and I’m glad I was able to help her as well. 

I once read the words "My cat came out of nowhere and became my everything" and though Synge and Faelina do not make up my entire life I know that without them my days would be darker and my spirit less then whole.

Fresh Air and Poetry

For the last few weeks I have been making a concerted effort to get outside every day for some fresh air and rejuvenation. I’d realized that while almost every weekend I’m out hiking the trails of Bradbury during the week I am actually outside very little and this had negatively impacted my daily happiness . Of course it seems like as soon as I realized this I’ve had things most nights which have prevented me from stopping at Bradbury on my way home from work for a quick hike, but I have made it a priority to get out for a short walk through the Bowdoin quad most evenings.

I knew my schedule today wouldn’t allow even that but I was reluctant to resign myself to a fate of no outdoor time. I needed to get outside, even if it was only for a few minutes, so this morning before work I stepped out for a short walk up and down Maine street.  With me I had a book I borrowed from the library last night, a book of poems by Mary Oliver, and as I walked I read. I soaked in the crisp morning air, lost myself in the sounds of birds singing, breathed in the delicious scent of coffee, and let the darkness of early morning highlight the beauty of the words before me. I love Oliver’s work (there isn’t a day that goes by where I don’t see something that makes me repeat to myself the lines of “Mindful” the only poem I have committed to memory), and the verses I read this morning were lovely.

I finished my walk feeling refreshed, centered and happy – it was the perfect way to start this day.
I leave you now with a few lines, a short poem that made me smile…

Three Things to Remember

As long as you're dancing, you can

   break the rules.

Sometimes breaking the rules is just

   extending the rules.

Sometimes there are no rules.

A Day of Living

If one was to step out the front door of my building turn left and walk on for a few minutes they would find themselves at the bank of the Androscoggin river. There is a small park there that was established to celebrate Brunswick's 250^th anniversary of becoming town, and in that park are a few wooden benches that promise their users a lovely calm river view. Two summers ago, I got into the habit of getting coffee on a Saturday morning and heading to one of those benches to read, drink, and soak up the beauty before me. However, once I started volunteering at the animal shelter Saturdays I stopped this, and so it has been a very long time since I have been.

Today, after an brisk early morning walk through the Bowdoin quad, I stopped in at Little Dog Coffee Shop, poured myself some coffee, sprinkled some cocoa and cinnamon on top, and then walked down to the river. I sat on a bench and lost myself in the pages of my book, the warm deliciousness of my coffee, and the sun rising over the river in front of me. My being there brought a happiness to my spirit that has stayed with me through all of this day. What I did doesn't matter so much, but everything I did was because, in that moment, I wanted to be doing that and nothing else. I created, I explored, I learned, I did only things that excited my passions. It is the most beautiful thing to live life like that; I hope that someday I will come to a place where all my days are like this one.