An Unexpected Gift

A couple days ago I started reading "The Edible Woman" by Margaret Atwood. It was a book I'd read a very intriguing recommendation on and since I'd devoured "A Handmaids Tale" years ago I immediately put in a request for it at my library. Segue here: for an example of just how much of an issue I have when it comes to my library books, when I got the e-mail notifying me that the book had come I was surprised; I had so many other requests out, and so many other books had been put on my list of books to read, that I had forgotten about this book entirely. Anyway back to my main point. I had picked up the book on Sunday and just read a few pages, so it wasn't until last night that I made my discovery, well two actually.

The first was that there are apparently others like me that like to underline certain passages in the books they read, and at least one person who has no qualms with doing that to a library book as this particular copy is filled with such markings. I only wish I was that brave. I had curled up the in bed and picked up the book to read when the second finding fell onto my lap...

From what I have read so far, this list is probably made in reference to the characters and their story, but isn't it also the perfect list for someone who is fighting to overcome an eating disorder?! I am just so grateful for this serendipitous little gift that literally fell into my hands. 

As far as how I am doing, thinks are OK. I am eating what I need to and have held steady weight wise. I am of course convinced that I have gained 10 pounds in the last week. I realize I say that every week and that so far that has never happened (at least not since Mercy - there I'm not so sure), but it really does feel like it this time. I am finding it next to impossible to feel comfortable in my own skin at all, and other than maybe a few moments right when I wake up or just before falling asleep, self-comfort and acceptance don't really exist in my mind. I do hope that changes, this is not a very fun way to live. Maybe that's why the universe sent me this list, to give me the extra bit of wisdom I need to find my way back to myself again.