Three Years

Three years ago today, tired, dazed, hating traffic, exhilarated, excited, and a little scared, I drove into Maine. I had just made the big trek across the country to the state that was to be my new home. I had no idea what to expect, no idea if my move would be a successful one, no idea if I would like Maine, or if it would in fact all turn into a phenomenal disaster.

Looking back on the last few years I know I couldn’t have imagined I would experience half the things I have. I have indeed had some phenomenal disasters, but I’ve also had some spectacular successes as well. I have learned much about myself – both good and bad – that I don’t think I would have if I had stayed in Alaska,  and I am so grateful for just how far I have come in discovering who I really am and what I value and want most in my life. And I think that for the most part I have done a pretty good job at creating a life here. While there a definitely plenty of times where I have felt so lost, overwhelmed and in over my head I can hardly breathe (some of these moments have been much more recent then I would have liked), most days I am happy and proud of what I have accomplished. Of course there isn’t a second that goes by that I don’t miss and ache for Alaska, but I have come to deeply love and appreciate Maine.

I remember exactly when I first realized just how much truth there was to that statement. It was October 2012 and I was hiking through the woods of Bradbury Mountain State Park. I had been thinking about when the time would come that I would leave Maine, and imagined what it would feel like to know exactly when that would be to. To know there was truly a finite number of times I would hike those trails, a limited number of visits to the Portland Head Light, a definite date where I could no longer go to Gelato Fiasco. I thought of the sadness I would feel then in those final few days, and I suddenly realized that I don’t just love Maine. I am completely head over heels in love with this place. I love the long fall seasons where apple picking is everywhere. I love the beaches that actually have sand. I love the fact that people here focus so much on greener living and eating organic fresh foods. I think it’s fantastic that so many restaurants here make an effort to buy ingredients from local farms. I love Bradbury Mountain State Park and White Mountain National Forest. I love all the lighthouses. And I love living in Brunswick. I love walking through Bowdoin campus, Music at the Mall (park) in summer, cappuccinos from Little Dog Coffee Shop, the Gulf of Maine bookstore, Wild Oats Bakery, and sushi from Little Tokyo. I love that Frosty’s Donuts is just down the street and how in the summer when I have my windows open I wake up to the incredible smell of fresh donuts! And I love, love, love everything about Gelato Fiasco. I love the Curtis Memorial Library and how much richer my life is because of everything I have access to through it. I love the 98.9 WCLZ radio station and their Acoustic Sunrise radio show on the weekend. I love that there is a Whole Foods here, and the small health food store – Morning Glory – that is literally a 1 minute walk from the front door of my building. I love fresh steamed lobster. I love Maine Maple Sunday and everything that entails. I love the smell of sea salt in the air when it rains.

Most important of all I love the people here. I have met so many wonderful individuals it blows my mind. Sometimes these encounters have turned into some great friendships, while others were simply brief moments where our lives crossed once and never will again.  Regardless of the kind, I have been overwhelmed with kindness, generosity, and good spirit in the people of this state and I am forever grateful. And then there are my friends the Granades. I say friends, but really they have been my guardian angels. They have gone over and above the normal bounds of friendship in the support, love and guidance they have given me these last 3 years, and I know I would not have made it without them.

It is very likely that this next year will be my last here. I have a few more places I’d like to explore before heading home for good and I figure four years is a good length of time to live in one place. In my time left I plan on enjoying as much of this beautiful state as I can by taking part in all the things I already know and love, and also exploring new places, trying out new things. Some of these include making a trip up to Sugarloaf Mountain, visiting Baxter State Park, catching a movie at one of the drive in movie theaters here, and actually going to the LL Beans Flagship store at 2am just because I can.

Leaving Maine will be incredibly hard, because I know that, unless I suddenly win the lottery or become the next JK Rowling, it will be permanent with only short visits scattered over years. Some might wonder why I could go considering how much I’ve come to love it here. The answer is simple. It’s because when I close my eyes I see Alaska. And when I dream it’s of the mountains in Denali and blue glaciers, of long winter nights and the midnight summer sun. I miss too much moose roaming the streets, rivers run with salmon, and the howling of huskies at the Iditarod. I can’t breathe right unless I’m there, and I know this is true because the two visits I’ve made back are the only two times in the last 3 years I have felt truly whole and complete. But if I had never left there’s no way I could have known that Alaska was where I truly belonged. I know that if I had stayed, if I hadn’t taken the chance – the road less traveled so to speak – that I would have regretted it in the end. I would have woken up 20 years from now looked in the mirror and wondered “What if…”. Now I don’t have to.