It's been eight years since I last heard him speak or laugh, since I last witnessed
him moving - breathing...but he comes to life once more in the stories others tell me. There's my favorite, hearing my mom share just how she met my dad along the trail in the Santa Elena Canyon at Big Bend National Park. There's the story my aunts told me this summer of my dad's dangerous (i.e. stupid) escapades at the Chicago airport when he was in highschool - a tale that makes me both laugh and shake my head in disbelief. And when driving through Wyoming last week I was reminded of the time my dad told me of hunting trip in Wyoming gone awry as he'd accidentally set his truck - and the field it was resting on - on fire. In those stories, and so many others, I hear his voice again and it's almost like he is still alive and with us, even if it's only for a few seconds.
I can't listen to Harry Potter in the car without recalling all the times driving with him we did just that, or hear anyone say the words 'cement' or 'concrete' without mentally checking to see if they used them correctly (something it took him 20 years of constant reminding for me to finally get right), and every day I wear a necklace with the words that one dark October night he said were his greatest wish for me "Follow Your Bliss" . My dad may no longer physically be with us, but that doesn't mean he is gone. He is still with me. Only now as a quiet presence in my mind gently guiding me through life to help me discover and follow my bliss.
I found this poem a year or two before my dad died and still get teary eyed reading it today. One Christmas, or Father's Day, or his birthday - I honestly can't remember - before he passed, I gave it to him framed as a present and he at least pretended to love it enough to hang it on the wall in my parents room. He didn't get to do everything written in this poem but he to my sisters and me he was everything it says and more. I love my dad and I will miss him every single day for the rest of my life.
What A Dad Will Do For His Daughter
by Cheryl D'Aprix
What a Dad will do for his
daughter is rock his sick baby girl
until the sun peeks through the darkness
letting him know the night of worry is over.
He will take her small hand in his and walk slowly as she takes her first
walk to the ice cream shop to share a cone full of heaven on earth.
He will sip from the tiny tea cup she has set in front of him
and in harmony with the stuffed animals carefully placed in their seats
he will sing the praises of her great hospitality.
He will sit through dance recitals and fashion shows
where he is the only audience
and will clap with the enthusiasm of a thousand people.
He will take her fishing and play soccer,
and introduce her to the world outside
as if just experiencing it for the first time himself.
Perhaps he is.
He will sit with her through sweat and tears over homework
that was supposed to be turned in the day before
and he'll smile as they finish, seeing her relief.
He will place a firm hand on the shoulder of the young man that comes
to take her to the school dance
silently letting him know where he stands and what he expects.
He will watch with overflowing pride as his young lady
accepts her high school diploma
and will silently pray to God to calm his fears
and get him throughout the day.
He will be full of conversation and more than happy to listen
when she calls home now and then.
Even when the game of the year is on.
He will gently fold her arm around his
and with all the courage and faith he can hold onto
he will stroll down the aisle,
giving her hand but keeping her youth.
He will be the first one in the maternity ward ,
at the nursery window,
carefully inspecting the activities of his new family member.
Another part of her, another part of him.
He will reassure her as time rages on
and the signs of his old age start to frighten her.
He will caress her hand with a passion
to which she has never felt
as he whispers his last wishes to her.
He will come to her heart for all her life
as she sees his manner in herself
or his features in her children.
He will live in the smiles
that grace her face
as she remembers the things he did for her.
until the sun peeks through the darkness
letting him know the night of worry is over.
He will take her small hand in his and walk slowly as she takes her first
walk to the ice cream shop to share a cone full of heaven on earth.
He will sip from the tiny tea cup she has set in front of him
and in harmony with the stuffed animals carefully placed in their seats
he will sing the praises of her great hospitality.
He will sit through dance recitals and fashion shows
where he is the only audience
and will clap with the enthusiasm of a thousand people.
He will take her fishing and play soccer,
and introduce her to the world outside
as if just experiencing it for the first time himself.
Perhaps he is.
He will sit with her through sweat and tears over homework
that was supposed to be turned in the day before
and he'll smile as they finish, seeing her relief.
He will place a firm hand on the shoulder of the young man that comes
to take her to the school dance
silently letting him know where he stands and what he expects.
He will watch with overflowing pride as his young lady
accepts her high school diploma
and will silently pray to God to calm his fears
and get him throughout the day.
He will be full of conversation and more than happy to listen
when she calls home now and then.
Even when the game of the year is on.
He will gently fold her arm around his
and with all the courage and faith he can hold onto
he will stroll down the aisle,
giving her hand but keeping her youth.
He will be the first one in the maternity ward ,
at the nursery window,
carefully inspecting the activities of his new family member.
Another part of her, another part of him.
He will reassure her as time rages on
and the signs of his old age start to frighten her.
He will caress her hand with a passion
to which she has never felt
as he whispers his last wishes to her.
He will come to her heart for all her life
as she sees his manner in herself
or his features in her children.
He will live in the smiles
that grace her face
as she remembers the things he did for her.
~~~~
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