Sadness

Briefly, the highlights - and lowlights - of this past week. My dislike of California and their ridiculous way of doing things (something that first began with my introduction to Kaiser at my last job) came back with a vengeance. I had the best phone call ever at work when I got to tell a mother who's been trying to get her son into Benchmark since October that we finally have a bed for him. I am vigorously enjoying my latest read 'Bottomland' by Michelle Hover. I kind of (after months of missing it) accidentally-on-purpose bought the first season of Game of Thrones on DVD (it was on sale so at least that's something). And, after a series of signs indicating that something was just not right, Synge had her first appointment with a Utah vet yesterday that culminated in a diabetes diagnosis. That last bit left me more than a little sad and with a mind that's been racing with questions, ideas, and plans on how to take care of her from now on.

Of course all of that, good and bad, pales in comparison to the news I woke up this morning. If you haven't yet heard what I'm referring to then take a deep breath and go check out NPR's website, or CNN, Huffington Post, your local TV news, any news site really. Fifty people killed last night, over fifty more in the hospital fighting for their lives; the biggest mass shooting in the history of the United States. I spent most of the morning listening to NPR's radio coverage growing more heartbroken and somber by the minute. For some reason this shooting has affected me more than the others in our country's recent history. Thinking of the nightmare those peoples families are walking through now, imagining what it must have been like for all those trapped inside that club last night, there have been many moments I've barely held back tears. I just don't understand it. I don't understand how someone's soul can hold that kind of hate. I don't understand how we as a country have come to a point where we accept devastating acts like this, that they are tolerated. You might say that we don't isn't the case, but clearly it is because we - as a whole - don't ever do anything to make them stop. Events such as todays are not going to disappear by active passiveness; they will only get bigger and worse as today's tragedy demonstrates. I won't share my exact, opinions of what I think needs to change, at least not today. If anyone feels compelled to comment on today’s post I'd appreciate it if you'd do the same.

And now I'm checking out. For the rest of the day I plan to Actively Avoid Adulthood. I might color. I might collage. I might watch and/or listen to some Harry Potter, that tends to cheer me up. I'm going to be grateful that I woke up today full of breath and peace, a luxury that was denied today to so many. I am going to focus on being full of love, for a life full of love truly is the only thing that will let your soul fly free and happy.