NPR and a Father's Love

My love of NPR started seven years ago this week. However if even eight years ago, if you had told me that, I listen to NPR every day, and be practically despondent if I didn’t get my daily dose of NPR, I would have looked at you in such a way that meant I clearly thought you were insane. This is because growing up I hated NPR. Despised it would probably be a more accurate description. My dad on the other hand loved it, and had that station playing every time I was in the car with him. For me this was pure torture, because in my view one listened to MUSIC while in the car and anything else was just plain crazy.  I remember that every time I'd be driving with him and he’d pull into a gas station to get a soda I would put on a music station while he was inside. I always hoped that he’d leave it there when he got back. He never did, but I never stopped trying (the definition of insanity does actually apply here) I couldn’t wait until I had my own car, and I vowed I would never, ever, let NPR be played in it.

As far as I can recall, I kept that promise from the first second I got my license,  all the way up to October 25, 2007. That was the day my dad died. The following week I went back to school, and when driving to and from class I had the radio on. But no matter which station I turned to - country, rock, classical, jazz -  there was simply nothing I was in the mood to listen to. With each new station I tried I just grew more upset, irritated, and restless. I kept trying though because I know that above all else I could not handle silence.  And then somewhere in my mind, this little voice whispered “NPR”…. I flipped through the stations as fast as I could finally landing on 91.1 KSKA and it turned out to be exactly what I needed. Where my favorite music stations seemed to be like pouring salt over and open wound, the steady stream of voices from news journalists flowing out my speakers seemed almost like I was coming home after an impossibly long day. I don’t think I changed the dial again for at least two months.

Over the last seven years my listening habits have waxed, waned then waxed again. There are months where I can’t get enough, and other months where I find myself in a frame of mind that just needs music. My car antenna also broke off last winter which makes for a static NPR station that is just too much for me at times. But while there are times that NPR has been put on the back burner, my love for public radio has only continued to grow. I need it in my life coffee, chocolate and books. My mornings feel incomplete without at least a few minutes of hearing the voices of Steve Inkseep, Renee Montaine, and David Greene. The voice of host Tom Ashbrook plays through my apartment each morning with the OnPoint podcast. Wait, Wait Don’t Tell Me NEVER fails to make me laugh, and I’ve learned through the stories on Snap Judgement that (in the words of host Glenn Washington) “I have heroes I didn’t even know I had”. NPR's website is up on my browser at work at least 80-90% of the time I'm there and I frequently put on my headphones to get lost in it's news, programs, and music while working through my daily To-Do list.

I wish I could tell my dad all this. I think he'd be thrilled that I had come round to his way of thinking, and happy that I'd found a way to keep up with the world and all it's happenings. I miss my dad so much - more now then the day I lost him. There are days I would give just about anything for one more hug, one more road trip with Harry Potter playing, even one more construction/home improvement project that he so loved to do. I could use his strength and words of encouragement now more than ever.  I am so grateful though for how long I did have him. So grateful that he was there for the soccer games, the dance recitals, ice skating competitions, and everything mushing. I'm lucky that he was the kind of dad that would help his daughter build the bed she wanted, or who built a swing set as a surprise for his daughters when they were gone on vacation. He was there for all the holidays, all the birthdays, and there were days he just stayed home to be with us - just because. I didn't realize for a long time just how lucky I was, but I know now he was one of the best dads a girl can ask for. I'm thankful I got a chance to tell him that before he passed. I can only hope that he would be proud of (most of) the decisions I've made since he's left.  My goal in life is to create a future that he would have loved - that he would have wanted for me. He told me once that he didn't care what I did as long as I "followed my bliss". I intend to do just that.