Hooray for Happy Days!

Lately I have written a lot about the days I've entered my own personal hell. Yesterday was definitely one of those. Today has been the exact opposite. I opened my eyes this morning and it was as though yesterday was something I'd read about happening to someone else not me. In that early morning darkness I felt nothing but peaceful content. A feeling that has, amazingly, stayed with me since. I was upbeat, happy, I felt greater joy in pretty much everything, and I was able to stay busy at work which was awesome! Quite a few of the things that made life bearable 24 hours ago, became downright beacons of sunshine today. They, and a few other things, made life kind of a spectacular.

-Coffee (obviously).My first thing in the morning coffee in bed has quickly become one of my all time favorite things in the history of ever. Then on my way to work I stopped by Starbucks for one of my beloved 5 shot americanos, and with every sip life just got better.

-Faelina's newest fascination is to attack the shadows on my wall, whether they're from cars headlights as they drive by, me moving around in the dark, or herself as she sits staring at the wall. She tries so hard to be fast enough to get them and is just so perplexed that she never succeeds. Watching her is rather amusing.

-Driving by an Alaskan license plate on my way to work this morning. I love seeing anything from home, and a spotting like this always makes for a better day.

-Shakespeare – today in particular it was his play “Cymbelline”. That man may not have had the most, um correct, opinion of women, but he sure could write and his plays are pure beauty

- Stuff You Missed in History Class podcast – I am huge podcast fan, and this one is my absolute favorite. I feel so much smarter after listening to them, it's fun to listen to, and at least one of them is as big of a coffee fan as I am (see Facebook status update from today)

-NPR – just saying it makes me happy. I love the reporters, I love the stories, I just love everything about it.

-Music – solace when I'm feeling down, and a true pleasure when life is good, I don't know what I would do with out it. I can listen to music and news at work but the company has blocked sites such as Pandora and Iheart Radio, along quite a lot of radio websites. So far though, they haven't cut off access to youtube. This is kind of awesome, because whether I'm in the mood for the smooth jazz of Marc Antoine, Dean Martins greatest hits, a new favorite like Scars on 45, or (in todays case) and old favorite like Kip Moore, youtube has it all, and for that I thank them.

-Winter – I am one of those weird few that just loves winter. I love the snow, the cold, the darkness...all of it. Last winter though I didn't. I was miserable. The cold hurt, the darkness made it worse, and the snows beauty did nothing to alleviate the pain. I thought I had lost that part of me forever. I hadn't though; I just needed to get healthy. I love winter now more than ever, the cold doesn't scare me now – it excites me! Granted right now it isn't that cold, and the rain we had on Sunday took most of the snow away, but it's still winter, and I'm so very grateful that I've found my way back to it again.

When I got home today I went for walk out in that cold. I went my usual way which brings me through the Bowdown quad (one of my favorite places in Maine), and when I got home I said hi to my kitties, changed in to pjs, popped dinner in the oven, and started writing. Soon I'll sit down to a dinner I actually want to eat (a very rare occurrence), get lost in a book that I've had so much fun reading and after get some sleep. Today hasn't been disorder free. The voices were still there, the negative thoughts ever present, but something (maybe the strength I got from fighting back yesterday) kept them at pretty good distance, and I was able to find some peace of mind.

Most of my days are not like yesterday, and they are not like today. Instead it's a mix with a few highs and a fair amount of lows, and me finding a way to muddle through it all. Mornings are usually my best times. I tend to wake up feeling pretty happy, focused, strong and semi-kind-of confident. As the day passes and I've been awake more, been eating more, and had more time to be aware of my body things usually get harder. The disorder gets stronger, the urges tougher to ignore, and any self-confidence in myself tends to roll right off a cliff into oblivion. Evenings are toughest and dinners can be kind of rough. Hopefully, days like today will be the norm, and ones like yesterday will fade in to non-existence. 

Until next time, whether good or bad, I wish you all peace, happiness, and love  :)